Tuesday, 5 February 2013

We Done Gone Played Relics

So, Tuesday night, club night, what to do...? LET'S PLAY RELICS! My opponent tonight got into Relics at the same time as I (towards the end of last year, 2012 for all you people reading this in a museum) but we hadn't actually played each other at it, what's more neither of us had faced each others faction before... and so it was agreed that at around 7pm on Tuesday 05/02/13 the noble and downtrodden Nuem would face off against the savage might of the Orcnar, there could be only one victor (unless it was a draw) and this auspicious night would decide who had won at Relics that week. So, with 312pts a side (the maximum I can make with my Nuem) we deployed.....

The mission, chosen last minute, was 'Capture and Destroy', the Orcnar were gunning (or fisting...?) to destroy the altar of Mordheim (right of the central ruin in this pic) while capturing the fabled Chimney of Despair (just behind the Nuem force). The Nuem would be try their damnedest to stop the Orncar. Why? Who knows, they're just mysterious that way I suppose.

Turn 1

As you can imagine, turn one was a rollercoaster ride of various things moving forward, although the Specialis Pueri started handing out Blessed counters to the Nuem... and I think the Beorn howled and moved something. EXCITING! Although it was the turn I realised he'd deployed two Docga on my left, which was a bit of a concern! Curiously, he did not go face-first for the altar (as I would have done), in fact most of his force seemed to be moving to my left flank. This clearly meant he had a plan, something I'd suspected could happen, but hadn't actually made any account for. I just played it cool and kept my stuff spread out in case of some unforseen 'Orcnar Bomb'. Anyway, it looked rather a lot like this at the end of the turn.

Turn 2

Now the tension started to heat up, someone was going to charge this turn and we were both utterly convinced it would be ourselves. We spent the beginning of the turn moving our 'safe' units around, the Paennitentium (did I spell that correctly?) continued to edge towards guarding the altar, but the distinct lack of Orcnar on that flank raised an eyebrow. It got to the point where something had to move on the left flank.... the Unmann moved closer, taunting the Dedicatus with gutteral cries of 'Ha ha! Nice shoes, no feet!'.... the Dedicatus's blood did boil. Luckily, the Unmann were now in range of the Sagittarius and two of them were promptly blown to smithereens, whilst handing out a pain token, huzzah! The Beorn then appeared from nowhere and howled at the Docga to move closer - ah crap. So, the Dedicatus are now potentially in charge range of the Unmann, but that would put them well within Docga charge range. Be sensible and hang back, or go for the kill? Fuck it! Charge!!!!!!............ so I don't roll high enough for the charge and my Dedicatus end up standing around like a pair of armoured plums, awaiting death by Orcnar-dog. Obviously the Docga charge but surprisingly, thanks to 'Hardened 4', only cause one wound. Huzzah! However, I strongly suspected they would meet their death next turn.

Turn 3

Now things are really heating up! The Docga continue to munch at the Dedicatus, and what's more the Beorn gets stuck in! Testament to Nuem engineering though, only one Dedicatus falls - damn, those creepy wee bastards are tough! The Sagittarius continue to plug away at the Unmann while the Tormentas and Spatga finally get some action, exchanging shots at each other but to no great effect. An Eotan appears in the building in the center (my opponent, let's call him G-Force, seems remarkably adept at placing models out of sight, knowing I'll forget about it if it's not right in front of me, the cunning Orcnar bastard) and smashes the earth in an attempt to knock down the Paenittentiam (right this time?) and Specialis Pueri but fails miserably on both counts and gets some Paenitentium (?) in the face. The big Brute's hard though, and doesn't fall just yet.

Turn 4

Although I seemed to have the upper hand, I didn't feel particularly safe this turn with Docga, an Eotan and the Beorn all up in my grill.... not too good! But, what can you do - get stuck in! Luckily, the combat was generally a bit of a stale-mate. The Paenitentium (I'm sticking with this spelling) sliced the Eotan up good and proper before he could smash his, frankly, outrageously large fists into them. Both the Pueri combined their efforts and healed the Dedicatus back up to a full unit (G-Force didn't like that very much). The Grymann finally appeared, but didn't do much aside from dodging some bullets from the Sagittarii. The Tormentas took out a Spatga, the single surviving Umann went mental and charged into the Paenitentium, nailing two of the slicey wee shits.

Turn 5

The combined efforts of the Paenitentium and Dedicatus was enough to hold up and/or kill the remaining Orcnar... the Pueri Healed the Paenitentium back up to full.... the Grymann grinned and looked like Gremlins....the Beorn roared in anger...... the Nuem had won.

End of turn 5......

...and so the game was ended. Verily it was a hard fought ordeal. The might of the Orcnar is not to be underestimated, unfortunately for them, nor is Nuem reslilience. GO TEAM NUEM!

Seriously though, G-Force's dice were bbaaaaadd. If his Eotan had managed to deck the Paenitentium then it's likely the Docga and Beorn would have punched through and made it to the objective. I admired his tactics though, Orcnar are pretty fast and he managed to redeploy rather quickly, leaving my Tormentas hanging about doing fuck all. If it hadn't been for the crazy rolls I was getting for the Dedicatus' hardened save too it would have gone a lot differently. Speaking of which, men of the match are....... the Dedicatus!

Defence 1, Hardened 4, Combat 4 ............. nae messin' wae these guys! They are, however, disturbingly cute.

So, that was my first ever photo battle report. I took some other shots, but couldn't be bothered sorting them all out. I do regret not snapping pics of the forces, G-Force done his Dmoder proud with those Orcnar. I hope you had more fun reading it than I did writing it. If you'd like to know what the blazes I was talking about with all those crazy words, head on over to www.torgaming.co.uk and get some of that down your face. 2013 - RELICS WILL RISE.